Perks of having entertaining gay friends
Me: joey i'm going to miss you so fucking much next year
Joey: nooo stop i'm trying to enjoy gay harry potter fanfics
Joey: they are actually my life
Joey: and u just made me so sad
LOL PSYCHO EX GIRLFRIENDS
I just got a bitchy fb message from some girl I don’t even know cursing me out because I apparently added her ex on Facebook… I met him last night and barely talked to him. LOL WHAT EVEN
Our friend just started his own business so here we are being punny.
Me: Sandal Tom! How's your business holding up?
Lynn: I hope it's TOEtally awesome. I couldn't BARE it if it wasn't, you SHOEperstar
Alex: When your business takes off, I'm sure it will be fanTOEstic!
Me: I sure hope your business is proFITable!
Lynn: If not, you can always curl up in the FEETal position.
Tom: The prototypes are in and we have a model shoot Wednesday
Tom: They will most likely be available for purchase by Friday
Me: I love how he keeps babbling on about his business while we're being punny. LOVE US, TOM. LOVE US~
Lynn: He BETTER... unless he has no SOLE
My friends want to rent out a school bus instead of a limo for prom.
2k12 k33pin it cla$$y
Assrapeage
Khoa: You're taking the late AP Calc exam? Those are known to be slightly harder
Me: oh. well, fuck me because the chances of me doing well on the easier calc exam are slim enough as it is
Khoa: It's okay, if we quantify assrapeage and we assume scarcity on assrapeage, my calc exam completely depleted it....
Khoa: all on my butt hole
Experimenting with naps.
Every day I’m going to take a nap of different lengths (10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour, 1.5 hours, 3 hours) to decide which one makes me feel the least tired. I made a chart and after each nap I’m gonna mark off how shitty I feel on a scale of 1 to 10.
Lol my friend is making me flirt with some kid to get the french homework outta him.
THE THINGS I DO FOR PEOPLE AHH
My phone keeps autocorrecting ‘whaddup’ to ‘shaddup’.
So whenever someone texts me saying hi, I end up telling them to shut up. Awkward
We’re like Harold and Kumar, except half-asian and half-brown.
Unicorns have three horns?
Tiki: Lynn thinks unicorns have three horns. That's the whole point of a UNIcorn
Lynn: I was very horny, okay?
My mom keeps calling me on FaceTime when she’s just in the other room. She thinks she’s funny -__-
OLD PEOPLE AND TECHNOLOGY I SWEAR TO GOD
What the hell...
Random #: Hey whats up??? Remember me?
Me: who is this
Random #: I doubt you will remember me. Im the guy from the valentine party.
1 hour later
Random #: Howve u been
Me: i've been okay. why are you texting me for the first time two months later?
Random#: sry
We're silly.
Me: So I have the option of requesting a coed floor, and I think that could be fun as long as the bathrooms are still single sex. And if you still get separate bathrooms, that means less girls sharing a bathroom, right?
Jestina: I say go for it! But then again you always choose the opposite of what I say >:P lol
Me: Lol no I won't, my parents would kill me
Me: Imagine explaining to conservative parents why you want to be on the same floor as boys...
Jestina: Haha what would you say.. "Well basically...I wanna bang."
Jestina: Your bootay would be sent back on that plane to Russia faster than you can say taco!
Me: *faster than I can say vodka
Jestina: Vodka's russian?
Me: ...
Me: And tacos are Russian? Really, Jestina?
